Hello everyone, it has been a difficult five months for my family. I was super close with my grandma due to a bond with plants, food, and the outdoors. At the moment, I have a sense of emptiness in my heart and I been taking a day at a time. My grandma ‘Balla’ was diagnosed with Terminal Gallbladder cancer on December 12, 2017, and passed away on March 12, 2018. During the three months that we had left with my grandma, I decided to write letters to my grandma every day in my journal.
On December 12, 2017, at 7:35pm, I took you to the emergency room with my uncle and mom. I went because I really care for you grandma and was there to help translated everything in Spanish. You were not feeling well and you continue to get sicker. Your stomach was bloated, and you were vomiting a lot. I was scared but I knew I had to be strong for you, my mom and uncle. I remember that you were getting mad at the nurses because they were poking you in your arm to get blood and other tests. I was able to look at my uncle and mom’s eyes and see that they were scared for you.
The doctor finally came into the room and told us that the labs came back normal, but something was not right at all. He ordered a CAT scan test. When I saw you, you looked scared but we were there to hold your hand. As they wheeled you to the Radiology department I have become more anxious waiting for you to come out. When you came out, the nurses told us that you did really well.
We waited and waited until the doctor came back to let us know the results of the CAT scan. We (Mom, Uncle and me) all began to tell you that everything is going to be alright and that the doctors were going to get you better. You believe us. Then we all heard a knock on the door. It was the doctor and the nurse who was taking care of my grandma during the visit.
The doctor came in, his aura was different. He told us that he found something in your gallbladder that was causing you nausea, a bloated stomach, and fatigue. At that moment, we all knew something was really wrong with you, grandma.
He told us that he found a 2cm tumor on your gallbladder and how it was in your lymph nodes already and that he believed it was cancer but did not want to confirm it until we went to an oncologist. When the doctor mentioned that, my heart shattered into many pieces. I felt that my mom and uncle wanted to cry because their eyes were tearing up but they had to be strong for my you, grandma. At that moment, you kept asking in Spanish, what is going on? What do I have? But somehow you were able to stay calm, looking at the ceiling and then into your hands. While the doctor and the nurse stayed with us for 25 mins explaining to us what is going on and answering our questions and concerns. The doctor and the nurse were kind to you. When the doctor discharged you, he prescribed you anti-nausea and pain medications. As we walked out the emergency room, I remember how the three nurses gave you a tight hug and you told them, God Bless them all and thank you very much for taking care of her. The nurses held your hand for a long time. When we reached the exit door, you turned back towards the nurses and you wave at them one last time.
At that moment grandma, we all knew it was going to be a very difficult road‘ ahead of us.
We love you, Balla. Te Queremos y te extranamos mucho ❤
Part 2 coming soon.